Thursday, December 27, 2012

Christmas ....

It's been a hard few days. Mom is what made Christmas extra special. She made it wonderful and happy. Without her everything seems not so bright. I kept replaying her words in my head "Christmas is for the children. Always make it special for them." I mustered up every ounce of happiness and tried to keep our spirits up. It turned out okay. We ate and laughed and exchanged gifts. It was a full, full house. My Dad kept his chin up as well.

Mr. Man gave me the best present ever, Into the Pleasure Groove, the autobiography by John Taylor of Duran Duran! I'm a huge fan :) My Mom had bought Kiddo2's gift before she passed.  It was of course perfect.  She knew Kiddo2 so well.

Financially, we will struggle till Mr. Man gets paid. It's okay because I have no desire to shop or go anywhere. I will be listing the remainder of this month. New Year's will be spent at my Brother's place so minimal spending there. We've been eating/cooking a lot at my parent's house.  Everyone keeps bringing food and I'm trying hard not to let any go to waste. 

I am not sure how I feel about the New Year.  I guess its a bit bittersweet.  I just pray for strength and have been asking my Mom for patience when dealing with my oldest sister. Even in heaven we are still asking her for help.  Love you Mom :*)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Remembering Mom...

My Mom passed a week ago.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she is no longer physically here.  I know she is with me in spirit but I miss talking to her, seeing her and hugging her.  This past week has been a huge week of reflection.  We all are trying to remember every thing she ever told us.  I guess in an attempt to hold on to her a little longer.  And in those reflections, I remembered all the things she told me about saving, spending and living.  I wish I would have listened to her more but I guess we sometimes have to learn the hard way.  The first thing she taught me is always have insurance.  She would pay a small insurance policy every month.  She had said so that when her time would come we would not have to worry about her funeral.  It did help tremendously and although we did all incur some costs, her insurance made the financial load a little lighter.  For that I am thankful. The second thing she taught us was, always put a few dollars away for a rainy day.  She had a habit of tucking away a  few dollars here and there.  Just enough to buy herself a little something if she felt like it. We use to laugh with her because she would sometimes forget where she put her money. The third thing was how best to live our lives.  She always said to live a good life helping those who may need your help.  She was a big giver...almost to a fault.  She never wanted anything in return.  Her reward was seeing others happy. That is what endeared so many to her. Now this is just a sliver of what she taught us but I think it describes her pretty well.  Which is, take care of those you love the most, enjoy the little things in life and give from the heart.  I will try my hardest to make her proud. 

Friday, December 14, 2012

A long long week...

One week ago today was the last time I saw my mother.  She passed away on Saturday, December 8th.  There was no warning or sickness to let us know something was wrong.  Just a frantic call by my father.  I have never felt so helpless in my whole life.  In an instant, my mother was gone.  My heart is broken.  She was my everything.  She kept our family going and always was there for us.  I find myself barely holding it together.  I know she is in a wonderful place but I just want another moment with her.  She had always told us how she felt when her mother passed.  She said "It feels as though your world is ending."  That is exactly how we felt.  In our crazy circus of a family, we were the clowns and she was the ringmaster.  We all reacted to what she did.  It just came naturally to all of us.  So without her here we find ourselves a bit lost.  Who will be there to greet us at the front door with a big smile and hug?  Who will offer us something to eat over and over, each time ignoring our "No thanks Mom" till we finally say "yes"?  Who will give us the most honest of opinions and advice even when we don't want to hear it?  I am trying to be grateful for the time she was here with us but I can't help feeling angry, confused and hurt.  I know only time will help our pain. I just wish she could have stayed here with us just  a bit longer. Mom, I love you, I will never forget you and I will do my very best to honor you.  May you rest in peace with the angels. Te quiero Mama.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Mr. Man, a birthday and Christmas!

So I have been on pins and needles lately.  Mr. Man is up for a promotion.  I am so excited for him.  He has worked so very hard and I hope all works out.  We still can't believe how far we have come.  He started with the company well over 10 years ago.  He literally started at the very bottom.  He was the lowest paid employee.  He has worked hard to move up through the ranks literally learning every single job in his business.  I am so proud of him and am praying he gets the job!

Add to that Kiddo2's birthday.  I am not the most social of people, so throwing any kind of party makes me all kinds of anxious. I just want all the kiddos to have a good time.

Then we have Christmas!  Did I mention I have 7 brothers and sisters, 22 nieces and nephews and several great nieces and nephews!  That is a whole lots of gifts but thankfully we all keep it small.  No one is obligated to buy gifts but we all do it because its so much fun.  We are also participating in an angel tree which provides gifts to children in our community.  I need to make a list this week. 

Aside from that we have holiday performances and recitals. It is such a wonderful time of year!  I am so thankful and blessed.  I hope each and every one of you is enjoying your December so far :)

Saturday, December 1, 2012

DECEMBER 1st...woohoo

There's no particular reason for my woohoo just a yay its December 1st.  The holidays are almost upon us and well I'm just in a good mood. Eventhough, my house is a mess, I have a stack of bills and have only a couple of dollars in the bank.  I refuse to complain because in all reality there isn't much to complain about.  I am blessed and I'm grateful for that. 

We had a movie night at home.  Watched Brave and Arthur Christmas.  Great movies and the kiddos are now in the Christmas spirit more than ever.  Tomorrow, I'm pulling out the tree and we are decorating it.  I'm also hoping Mr. Man puts up the lights on the house. 

Aside from that, not much planned. I love the weekends, especially when we don't have a whole lot planned.  I cannot believe Christmas is a little over 3 weeks away!  So excited :)